MILF&Cookies

Andie // On My Honor // Knoxville-ish // I like pop punk but not the qseudo-quasi, rut stuff // often nsfw // 18 // probably horny // aggressively unfancy // hella cleavage // man food specialist // superb at parallel parking // I might not go down in history, but I'll go down on you // recommended by 4 out of 5 // I'm out of clever ways to impress you.

I just really like beards and beer breath.

My Face and Other Things


Home Theme Twitter I don't want you to ask me questions.. (((REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY))) Submit My Face and Other Things

witchyhellbroth:

pinenolanapple:

it takes 237 muscles to fake an orgasm but 15 to say “it’s called a clitoris and it’s right here”

#don’t ever fake an orgasm let them know they disappointed you

(Source: warmbloodedkiller, via koorem)

DC:Wonder Woman is too difficult to find a movie audience for-
Marvel:YO YOU LIKE BLACK WIDOW? HERE SHE IS IN THE NEXT CAPTAIN AMERICA MOVIE WITH A TON OF SCREENTIME AND MAJOR ASSKICKING SKILLS
DC:We can't allow the lesbians in Batwoman to get married in the comic, sorry.
Marvel:HEY GUESS WHAT WE'RE GONNA FEATURE A GAY WEDDING ON THE COVER OF AN X-MEN ISSUE
DC:The new direction for storytelling needs to be dark, gritty, mature and cynical.
Marvel:DUDE CHECK IT OUT LOKI GOES SPEED DATING IS THAT NOT THE BEST SHIT EVER
DC:After years of rumors, the Superman/Batman movie is finally coming, but with a new actor and suit for Batman and MAYBE a cameo from Wonder Woman.
Marvel:PHASE 2 MOTHERFUCKERS EVERYONE IS IN EVERYONE'S MOVIE AND THERE AIN'T NO STOPPIN US NOW
DC:We can try to add maybe one or two 'people of color' to our lineup...maybe...
Marvel:NEW MS MARVEL THAT'S MUSLIM AMERICAN, BITCHES.
DC:We feel no problem with Batman's vengeful personality being like wet cardboard.
Marvel:NEW LATINA GHOST RIDER WHO SEEKS VENGEANCE WHILE TAKING HIS AWEET LIL BRO FOR ICE CREAM
DC:We can't mention any superhero titles in our movies, that's ridiculous.
Marvel:FUCK YEAH YOU WANT A RACOON VOICED BY BRADLEY COOPER WITH A GIANT GUN? YOU WANT VIN DIESEL PLAYING A TREE? AMY FUCKING POND PLAYING A SEXY BALD SPACE PIRATE? HERE YOU FUCKERS GO
DC:Our fanbase is mostly white males, I'm sure our focus is-
Marvel:NEW SHE HULK LINE WHERE SHE GOES TO COURT THEN SAVES NEW YORK
DC:Wait-
Marvel:NEW FEMALE THOR
DC:I didn't-
Marvel:NEW BLACK CAPTAIN AMERICA
Marvel:TAKE ALL THIS COOL SHIT MARVEL BE OUTIE
Marvel:PEACE

enlargers:

"can i ask you something?" my immediate reply says “go for it" but my mind has already gone through the seven stages of grief

(via tattooed-disappointment)

Her:Why me?
Him:Because you came out of nowhere at a time where I was teaching myself to enjoy the happiness, no matter what form it came in or how short its life span. As comfortable as I have been in the past, comfortable isn't home. And to me you feel like home. I catch myself thinking that at the most uncelebrated of times, I'd look at you and think "look at her, home should feel like this, home should feel like her" and those thoughts came up often, like when we did donut tastings in bed.
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